2011 in Quotes - The World, Part #1

 

January: 

"The Cleveland Cavaliers just offered me a full-time job and a house! A house! A house!" -- Ted Williams, former homeless man who became viral celebrity for his "golden voice" in video on YouTube; he has since received multiple job offers. 

"The tumor is gone." -- Michael Douglas, actor, saying he believes he is cancer-free after underdoing treatment for growth on his tongue.

"I can move my forehead again." -- Nicole Kidman, actress, admits she used Botox and didn't like it.

"If there's one thing I would like to import from Britain to France it's the pubs." -- French Prime Minister François Fillon.

"We're not leaving if you don't want us to." - US Vice-President Joe Bidon, indicating to Afghan President Hamid Karzai, that US may keep troops in country beyond planned 2014 security handover if their services are still needed.

"I think it was the ugliest haircut I've ever seen. How did that thing have legs?" -- Jennifer Aniston, on the Rachel, a layered hairstyle made famous by her on the '90s hit sitcom Friends.

"I'd be better than Superman if I'd had parties with 24 girls." -- Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi tries to laugh off a prostitution scandal.

"It is important always to remember that virtual contact cannot and must not take the place of direct human contact with people at every level of our lives." -- Pope Benedict gives his approval to social networking websites, while cautioning people to not replace real friends with virtual friends.

"I don't think it's their fault...They're got to be hurting...as much as anybody." -- Mark Kelly, husband of Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords, saying he would meet with parents of Giffords' accused shooter, Jared Loughner.

February:

"I've been called a pommy bastard many times, but look what it has done for me. If you want to develop character, go to Australia." -- Prince Charles celebrates Australia Day.

"We used to listen to Billy Connolly all the time. That's probably why my language is so bad on court." -- Andy Murray, British tennis player, on how he learned to swear.

"The last time there was a naked man covered in gold paint in my house, it was me." -- Bansky, underground British street artist, on his Oscar nomination for his documentary Exit Throught the Gift Shop.

"Nefertiti has been and remains the best Egyptian ambassador to Berlin." -- Hermann Parzinger, Prussian Cultural Heritage Foundation, saying his organization has no plans to return 3,300-year-old bust of pharaonic queen to Egypt.

"A lazy, feckless, flatulent, oaf with a moustache leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat." -- Richard Hammond, TV presenter, compares Mexican cars to country's people. The BBC later apologized for his remarks.

"I'm too old to flirt with young chicks now." -- Jack Nicholson.

"It's like sex with an orgasm at the end of it. Whereas film is like you have sex but you never get the orgasm. A lot of stopping and starting." -- Actress Kiera Knightly on stage acting.

"I am fed up. After 62 years in public office, I have had enough. I want to go. If if resign today there will be chaos." -- Egypt's embattled President Hosni Mubarak.

"Get on, imbecile. All my life I've had to put up with your screw-ups." -- Lisa Trabelsi to husband, deposed Tunisian dictator Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali, as he hesitated to board a plane to exile.

'I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.' - Troubled actor Charlie Sheen talks candidly to a reporter about his bizarre behaviour and drug use after being fired from sitcom Two and a Half Men.

'50 cops in my home. They all left. I'm still here. WINNING? 24/7.' - Charlie Sheen uses his catch phrase winning' when talking about a police raid of his home.

"Please lose the number, we are closed. Right now we are on lockdown." -- Texted message to LA prostitutes from actor Charlie Sheen, now that he is in rehab for sex addiction.

"I'm not a big fan of young kids having Facebook. It's not something they need." -- Michelle Obama, on why she doesn't allow her daughters to join.

"If the Queen asks you to a party, you say yes. If the Italian prime minister asks you to a party, it's probably safe to say no." -- British prime minister David Cameron.

'Work on your impulse control.' - Charlie Sheen's advice to troubled Lindsay Lohan.

"Down, down to corruption and to the corrupt." -- Protestors in Libya demand an end to Muammar Gaddafi's rule.

"They had to know." -- Bernie Madoff, imprisoned Ponzi schemer, claiming banks and hedge funds were "complicit" in his elaborate fraud.

"I can't say I have any regrets. It's been an excellent ride." -- Lance Armstrong announces retirement from competitive cycling.

"The damn show destroyed my family." -- Billy Ray Cyrus, referring to Hannah Montana, which catapulted daughter Miley Cyrus to stardom.

"Egypt is free!" -- Protesters chanting in streets of Cairo after President Hosni Mubarak steps down.

March:

"I feel younger now than when I was in my 30s and 40s and had all those problems." -- Ida Keeling, 95-year-old woman from the Bronx who set world record after running 60m in 29.86 seconds; she is the oldest woman to do so.

"I thought the devil was coming up out of the earth." -- Kevin Fitzgerald, teacher's aide, on Christchurch earthquake.

"We will fight until the last man, until the last woman, until the last bullet." -- Saif Al-Islam Gaddafi, son of embattled Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi.

"The official private race to the moon is on." -- Peter Diamandis, CEO of X-Prize Foundation, announcing teams that will compete to build robot to travel to the moon; the first to send back video of the lunar surface will win $30 million.

"Harry Reid will have to pry the cathouse keys from my cold, dead hands." -- Dennis Hof, owner of Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a Nevada brothel, on Senate majority leader's call to outlaw prostitution in his home state, where it is legal in some counties.

"I once married 10 women in one year." -- Ziona Chana, 66-year-old man in India with 39 wives, 94 children and 22 grandchildren, who says he would happily marry again.

"How the mighty have fallen so quickly. England were national heroes after winning the Ashes. Now they are national chumps after this shocking and embarrassing defeat." -- Geoffrey Boycott, on England's surprise defeat by Ireland in Cricket World Cup.

"I have a feeling my career has just peaked." -- Colin Firth, after receiving the best actor Oscar for his performance in The King's Speech.

"People laughed at us for using the word magical. But you know what? It turned out to be magical." -- Steve Jobs, Apple CEO, unveiling new iPad.

"I am deeply shocked and disgusted ... In light of this video, and as an individual who is proud to be Jewish, I will not be associated with Mr. Galliano in any way." -- Natalie Portman, Oscar winner, on Dior designer John Galliano's reported anti-Semitic comments.

"The current situation of the earthquake, tsunami and the nuclear plants is in a way the most severe crisis in the 65 years since World War II." -- Naoto Kan, Prime Minister of Japan, after country sustained its largest earthquake on record; the death toll is expected to exceed 10,000.

"Oh my God, he gave me a big hug. His body is like a thoroughbred. It's just, like, pure muscle." -- Sarah Silverman, American comedian, on meeting Barack Obama.

"We sleep with the guns." -- Chuck Heath, Sarah Palin's father, who says the family has face death threats.

"Technology has invaded the bedroom." -- Charles Czeisler of Harvard Medical School and Brigham and Women's Hospital, on technology's hindrance of sleep. In a National Sleep Foundation study, 95% of people said they used electronics in the hour before going to bed, and two-third said they don't get enough sleep during the week.

"I'm 74 years old and even though I may be a bit of a rascal ... 33 girls in two months seems to me too much even for a 30-year-old." -- Silvio Berlusconi, Italian prime minister, laughs off sex scandal.

"I hope from the bottom of my heart that the people will, hand in hand, treat each other with compassion and overcome these difficult times." -- Akihito, Japanese Emperor, in rare appearance on TV, urges his nation - wracked by earthquake, tsunami and nuclear crisis - to join together in solidarity.

"In the 21st century, it's not enough to leave no child behind. We need to help every child get ahead." -- Barack Obama, asking Congress to rewrite the decade-old No Child Left Behind law - which requires that public school students be measured by regular testing - by this fall.

"It's grim. The reality is they can shut off all access if they want to ... You are heading into a two-Internet world." -- Bill Bishop, Internet specialist based in China, on the nation's repressive cybercontrols.

"She even wanted to be late for her own funeral." -- Sally Morrison, Elizabeth Taylor's publicist, announcing the star's funeral began 15 minutes late according to her final wishes.

"That's the biggest pile of dog mess I have heard in ages." -- Whoopi Goldberg, co-host of The View, after possible 2012 presidential candidate Donald Trump questioned whether President Obama was born in US and said he needs to show his birth cert.

April:

"When asked if they would like to have sex with me, 30% of women said, 'Yes', while the other 70% replied, 'What, again?'" -- Silvio Berlusconi, Italian Prime Minister, shrugs off sex allegations made against him.

"As President, I refused to wait for the images of slaughter and mass graves before taking action." -- Barack Obama, in TV address about decision to commit US troops to military operations in Libya.

"It's a better way of looking at a film ... I totally believe now that 3-D will completely take over just like color did." -- George Lucas, filmmaker, speaking on future of cinema.

"This quake, tsunami and the nuclear accident are the biggest crises for Japan [in decades] ... We will continue to handle it in a state of maximum alert." -- Naoto Kan, Prime Minister of Japan.

"If you want to be technical... I guess we broke our word." -- Florida pastor Terry Jones who led a Koran burning in March despite saying in September that he would not torch the sacred Muslim text - "not today, not ever". Deadly protests raged in Afghanistan in response.

"Now they don't need to kill people, but by detaining people... they think they can snuff out criticism." -- Ai Xiaoming, academic and filmmaker, comparing China's present-day stance on dissent - Chinese artist and government critic Ai Weiwei was detained on April 3 - with the violent suppression of the Tiananmen Square protests.

"I miss being anonymous... I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls... taking walks. I can't take a walk." -- US President Barack Obama, speaking at the White House with a group of editors and publishers. He also said that playing golf is "the only excuse I have to get outside for four hours at a stretch".

"You're diddling your secretary while you're giving a speech on moral values? Come on. Get off of it." -- Alan Simpson, former Republican Senator from Wyoming, criticizing some members of his party. He also said, "I'm not sticking with people who are homophobic, antiwomen".

"The truth is we're long overdue to be knocked down by the press." -- Biz Stone, co-founder of Twitter, on recent Fortune article "Trouble@Twitter" which details the company's financial and management woes.

"We could find that an Arab Spring turns into an Iranian winter." -- Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel, suggesting that Iran's Islamic Republic could exploit the pro-democracy Arab uprisings.

"GOP leaders need to learn how to fight like a girl." -- Sarah Palin, the 2008 Republican candidate for US Vice President, at a Tea Party Tax Day rally in Madison, Wis.

'We're quite a reserved lot, the British, but when we go for it, we really go for it'' - The Prime Minister.

''A good dry run for the Olympics'' - Mayor of London Boris Johnson.

''You look beautiful'' - What Prince William seemed to be whispering to his bride at the altar.

''We're supposed to have just a small family affair'' - Prince William jokes at the altar with the bride's father Michael Middleton.

''Those people who were so recently sneering at her background, and nicknaming her 'Waity Katie', will soon be lost in admiration of her poise and professionalism'' - Historian Andrew Roberts.

''Checkmate Kate - you've taken the King!'' - Words on a banner among the cheering crowds.

''We've got Middleton's Mushy peas, Kate's Cod, Buck House Burgers. I drew the line at getting some skate in'' - Peter Beedle, a cousin of the new Duchess of Cambridge, describes the royal menu at his fish and chip shop in Co Durham.

''She is so stunningly beautiful, it's so regal, it's such understatement that I think it's just perfection. Everybody is starstruck with her gown'' - Harold Tillman, chairman of the British Fashion Council.

''Kate wearing her hair as she has is the death of the straightening iron. It's all about a girl's best friend - the heated roller'' - Celebrity hairdresser Andrew Barton.

''I pray that everyone present and the many millions watching this ceremony and sharing in your joy today will do everything in their power to support and uphold you in your new life'' - Bishop of London Dr Richard Chartres in his address in Westminster Abbey.

''Even so long after 'Charles 'n' Diana' was exposed as a sham act, Britain is still in thrall to a vulgar fascination with bloodlines and a barkingly insane notion of monarchy'' - Writer Will Self.

''I haven't been invited. Surprised? No. Will I be watching it on TV? I shouldn't think so'' - Earl of Snowdon.