Funny Friday

 

. . . and that's when the fight started . . .

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'  I said 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started....

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.

And that's when the fight started....

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started....

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to me, "'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." I replied, "'Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's when the fight started....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday...

And that's when the fight started....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different  anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And that’s when the fight started…