A man attends at his doctor’s surgery after test results come back. The doctor says “I have some good news and some bad news.” “What is the bad news, doctor?” asks the man. The doctor says “The tests show that you have terminal cancer and only a short time to live.” “Oh my God,” says the man, “What is the good news?” “Well, says the doctor, “did you see the cute little receptionist when you came in? I’m taking her out tonight.”
A man takes his young son to the London Zoo. The young lad is especially keen to see the monkeys but when they arrive at the monkey enclosure, there is not a single monkey to be seen. He says to the nearby keeper in a broad Northern accent, “ ‘Ere, where’s all the moonkeys then?” The keeper replies “They’re all in the ‘uts. It’s the matin’ season.” The man says “Do you think they’d coom out if I threw a peanut?” Replies the keeper “Would you?”
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