As told to me...

The following stories have been told to me over the years and have remained in my memory. They are worth passing on.

The following anecdote was told to me by my friend Arthur…

Years ago his colleague, Frank, regularly used the services of an elderly solicitor. Whenever the solicitor sent out a bill setting out his costs and disbursements, the final balance was incorrect. As an example, if a bill was for $990.00, the balance would be shown as something like $890.00. Frank always paid the balances shown and that finalised the accounts. One day Frank said to the solicitor “Do you know that every bill you send out has a mistake as to what is due?” He replied “They’re not mistakes, nor do I have any outstanding accounts.”

Back in my Uni days, I was sitting on the railway station one night waiting for my train when an intoxicated Scot started speaking with me. The following is one of the stories he told me, using his words. I had heard the first part of the story before but this was the first time I heard the additional part. You will see what I mean when you read it..

“I was with my friend Jock tonight and I said to him ‘Jock, there are two types of people in the world: those that are Scots and those that want to be.” Jock said to me “Nay laddie, there are three types: those that are Scots, those that want to be and those with nay fuckin’ ambition.’ “

The last item also harks back to my uni days, being something told to me by an elderly gentleman.

He said that in his youth he worked for a man known for his coldness and miserliness and who also had one glass eye. The old man said that everyone could readily tell which eye was the glass one in that it was the more compassionate of the two.